“Talk to me about the book you’re reading, Daniel. What have you read about so far?” I asked Daniel, one of my middle school students. Almost every morning, Daniel walks up to me while I’m manning the crosswalk for morning duty, says good morning and shakes my hand. I can tell that he respects me and thinks a lot of me. You see it all the time; different students will take to different teachers. We, as educators, wield great influence over how our students think and behave. As Uncle Ben once said, “With great power comes great responsibility.” (Spiderman reference for those who don’t recognize it…)
While our relationships with students don’t necessarily have to be as structured as a lesson a teacher may execute on a given day, it’s important that we think about what we want our students to get out of the relationship. Due to the great influence we hold over our students, we need to make sure we are thinking about how to steer them in a positive direction in their lives.
I am a big believer that we shouldn’t treat our students like our friends. Neither are we their parents. We are in their lives as teachers and/or role models that are there to help them learn and grow. I know how easy it can be for an educator to think about their students as if they’re their friends and confide in them. I can’t stress this enough – it’s important that we, as the adults, take the lead over what the relationship looks like.
Here are two examples of what I’m talking about:
- Carlos* was struggling academically when he was in 6th and 7th grade. Sarah Straub (6th Social Studies teacher at the time) leveraged the positive relationship she had with Carlos in 7th grade to get him to give Marcela a pep talk in Spanish because Marcela had recently arrived into the country and didn’t know any English. Marcela had flown under the radar and Sarah wanted to make sure she properly supported her. Not only did she help boost Carlos’s confidence, but she helped establish a positive relationship between these two students! She did this by identifying a way that Carlos could contribute to the class and feel successful.
- Cintia* was a student in Natalie Garcia’s 8th grade Algebra I class a few years ago. Cintia hated math and sometimes took longer than others to complete her work. Natalie saw the potential in Cintia and worked to build her confidence over time by praising the work she’d put in and pointing out her small successes. Based on her previous performance, Cintia was projected to earn a 2 (on an AP level 1-5 rubric) on her final district assessment of the year. Natalie’s work with Cintia proved that purposeful work can overcome all expectations as Cintia ended up earning the top score of a 5!
How can we help our students become better versions of themselves? That’s the question we should think about as we engage with our students. It’s not about me. It’s not about you. It’s about our students.
That’s why I’ve turned a morning greeting with Daniel into an opportunity to talk about a book he’s currently reading. He told me he didn’t like reading, so I told him to find a book to read because I’d be checking in with him about what he’d read. Sure enough, he comes by the next day to tell me about the book he picked out. When I saw his mom later on, she pointed out how he came home the previous day telling her he needed to find a book. Imagine the power of such conversations over the course of the next 6 years. If nothing else, at least I got him to read a little more!
Thank you to Natalie Garcia and Sarah Straub for sharing their stories with me! I worked with Sarah Straub for 6 years and Natalie Garcia for 3 years at YES Prep Brays Oaks. Sarah is currently a 7th grade Social Studies teacher and Natalie a Dean of Students.
*Student names have been replaced to protect their privacy.
